So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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