OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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