he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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