the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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