my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
