say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
