Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
