so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
