not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
