What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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