We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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