I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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