I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
