Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
