I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
