ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
