It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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