I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
