Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
