I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize