Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
