If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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