Pants 0. Shit 1.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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