i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Life is so much better after having sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
