your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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