i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
