so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
