I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
