Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
