He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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