You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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