2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
