she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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