i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
