who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
