well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
