Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
