i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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