Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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