i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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