i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
