He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
