what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
