When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
