Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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