Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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