i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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