i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
