I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
