Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
