i think i have herpe
just one?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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