Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize