If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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