What a fucking waste of an outfit
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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