Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
