I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
