I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize