drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
