If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
