Michael Bay diarrhea
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
