the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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