I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
