I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
