I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize