Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
