I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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