If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
