I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
how drunk are you?
Several
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
